You come first. Always.

You are, and will be, forever the Sun of your own life.

Remember Grey’s Anatomy? The infamous medical drama? The show has been a source of survival for many, including me. One of my favourite characters from the show has to be Dr Christina Yang, who now only exists on text messages and on one-way video calls. She said this one line in one of the earlier seasons, which has left a profound impact on me. And today, I present this line to you.

“Don’t let what he wants eclipse what you need. He’s very dreamy, but he’s not the sun. You are!” – Christina Yang, Grey’s Anatomy Season 10, Episode 24.

When her best friend, also the protagonist of the show, Meredith Grey suggests how she thinks her dreamy boyfriend is too good for her. Christina reminds her that she is the Sun of her life, and not the man.

Stefan Moertl | Unsplash

And this holds true everywhere. Not just in relationships. Curious? Let’s break it down.

Work comes first. No, you do.

Let’s face it. We all have an unhealthy relationship with work. Either we work too hard, or we procrastinate so much that we have no choice but to squeeze in a lot of work in very little time. Have you ever tried figuring out the root cause for this? Why are we so hell-bent on climbing up this corporate ladder which essentially leads us nowhere? I mean, have you ever paused and evaluated if the next promotion, the next company, or the next job title is really that important to you? Does having it holds some sort of a value in your life? Or you’re just doing it because people around you appreciate power and status?

I believe it’s extremely important to understand our own motivations for doing anything in life. What is the intent of this job? Does book-keeping really make me happy? Is becoming the Creative Director my biggest career goal? Am I really ambitious in life? Or am I just competitive?

Figuring out the beginning is the most important step in the whole process. Because if we are clear on our intent of doing a certain job, it will help us set expectations and more firmly reinforce boundaries.

It doesn’t matter if you have figured this out or still trying to navigate your way through life, your physical health and mental wellness comes before everything and everyone else.

Learn to say No. To people, to stress, to jobs that do not make you happy.

Joshua Fuller | Unsplash

It’s important to compromise in relationships. Really?

This is probably the trickiest of all. Think long and hard about anything in life that asks you to compromise. From being unable to choose your preferred speciality in college (absence of required grades or funds) to settling on a job that doesn’t pay you well but guarantees “exposure.” Anything that requires you to compromise is more likely than not indicating some sort of a lack. Either in your life or somebody else’s. So, you compromised on studying abroad because your parents didn’t have enough money and/ or you didn’t have enough grades to secure a scholarship.

When it comes to relationships, we have been constantly told that to have a successful alliance, we must adjust, compromise, and basically overlook some things even if it doesn’t align with our own personal values.

I personally believe that if the foundation of any relationship is based on a lack, it won’t be able to stand the test of time. When the initial honeymoon phase wears off, there needs to be equal accountability from both the parties to make it work. There will be some days, where one partner will be doing a little more or a little less than the other, but it wouldn’t be fundamentally rooted in the belief and practice of compromise.

You are with a partner or a friend because it makes you happy. But this happiness shouldn’t come at the cost of a compromise. If a relationship doesn’t make you happy, then no matter what you do, it would start reflecting at the other person as well. Both of you will be unhappy. Make your well-being and happiness your priority. When you pour all that love within, your cup of joy would be overflowing and reflecting in each one of your relationships.

Külli Kittus | Unsplash

Family is everything. And you are the most important part of your own clan.

Family is undoubtedly very important, and you should value yours. But from what I have seen and learned so far is family is also the most instrumental in fucking you up. You can’t choose your family, but what you can do is, choose yourself first. If you are constantly exhausted and bogged down by being at home, then it’s probably a good idea to move out. Now I know that it’s not possible for everyone to do that, so start doing things that will help you grow and make you a better person. Instead of trying to prove a family member right or wrong, focus that energy on self-growth. Try and block out the negativity as much as you can and if someone is constantly pushing your buttons, chances are they are projecting to make up for their own insecurities.

Be there for your family, help them out but also be mindful of creating healthy boundaries and always, choose your mental health first.

Deniz Altindas | Unsplash

Final Thoughts

In this culture of instant gratification and constant validation, we somehow have forgotten to put ourselves first. We post pictures that have the potential to get maximum likes. We share opinions with the maximum agreeable quotient. We do everything to score brownie points in our social circles. We don’t live for ourselves, we live to prove to others that we are living for ourselves. Let this be your wake-up call. The more you do things that make you happy, the more you enrich your life and the lives of everyone around you.

You come first. Your happiness comes first. Your satisfaction comes first. Always.