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Oh, you got dumped again? That must hurt. Nothing surprising though. Research says, and let me clarify, I haven’t done any research on this. Most of the relationships, especially in your early 20s come with an expiry date. MOST not all. You have an inflated sense of love and you’re looking for the same in real life. Movies get everything right about love, save for one. Which is, love is not at all like the movies. In real life, love is messy, imperfect, mundane, and all things… well, boring. Love is not supposed to make your heart race or send butterflies to your stomach. If it does, then you better run to an ER, it might be a medical emergency. The reason why I am discussing love so much is that break-up is an outcome of love. And oh not to forget, to give the mass media and pop culture enough credit, they have lots and lots of movies on how to deal with break-ups as well. But let’s dig deep. 6 ft should be enough. Now sit in that pit and ask yourself, “Why were you stupid enough to fall for a person you knew would be a bad fit for you? Again?”
After you’re done with all the self-loathing and questioning your own self worth for a person who was, I am very sure, not worthy of you. You can start with the healing process. Don’t get me wrong, but I think grieving is also very important. You better get used to taking these punches that life throws at you, trust me, there will be many. You’ll never run short of them. I’ve never met anyone who said that “You know, life hasn’t thrown enough punches my way! I wish I could just taste some real pain… YKWIM?” So yeah getting back to the grieving process. Once you’re done with crying and trying to Charles Bukowski your way out of this (with usual pain-filled poetry and alcoholism), you’ll slowly move back to the normal life and it doesn’t mean that you’ve to immediately start looking for someone else. But you do need to look for the person that you desperately NEED to fall for, yourself.
Falling in love with yourself is beneficial in so many ways, such as:
You will never need external validation
Fights will never last long
You will date the most gorgeous human being in the whole wide world
You will like everything about your SO
No more planning for elaborate dates that never happen
So much money will be saved. I am not even kidding.
You will always have time for your SO
TBH, this list can go on and on. It’s the most fulfilling, economical, and non-straining relationship of your life. And it’s a life-long commitment at that, you can NEVER break-up with yourself.
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So my idea is basically to foster a really strong, healthy, and fulfilling relationship with yourself before you move on and offer your love to someone else, give all of that love to your own self, literally and metaphorically.
This is great advice. Wow, I am surprised at myself.
Self-love is easier said than done. So much easier to write a blog about it rather than actually practice it. Yes, I am looking at you, Kriti.
In my own experience, it is easier to achieve something big when you break it into sub-tasks which are significantly smaller than the “actual big thing.”
So, look at self-love in the same light. Self-love is the big thing that everyone wants to ace, but we forget to piece together the little things. If I tell you, there is a 5- step way to achieve self-love, how would you feel? Amazing, right? I knew it! Well in the public interest, here it is.
Step 1: We need to talk (HAHA The Fray plug-in. Did you get it?)
Communication is the best way to sustain any relationship. Even when it’s with yourself. So, sit down and talk to yourself about everything. What you like or do not like about you. Make a list and ask yourself, “What would it take for me to forgive myself for drinking 7 LIITs and singing “Truly, Madly, Deeply” outside my ex-boyfriend’s house? In front of his wife and two daughters? On Christmas Eve” (or some equally embarrassing story. We all have one, right? You do too, right, right? No. Just me? okay.) Anyway, find the solution and then use it. That’s it. It’s really not that complicated.
Step 2: Sit down, it’s just a talk lol No Make a list
Lists are fun. If you’ve read this far, then you know that lists are my absolute favorite. It just makes everything easier. Make a list of all the things that you’d want in a partner. Be specific. Great, now read that list out loud and ask yourself how many of them do you have? Not many, right? Zero? okay. I am sure by now you know where I am getting at, WORK WORK, and then WORK some more on yourself. Working on yourself doesn’t mean that you lack something. We all are a work in progress. Imbibe the qualities you seek in your own self and then before you know it, you will be surrounded by people who have the same qualities. And I don’t know about you, but in my hometown, that’s what we call a soul-tribe.
Step 3: What was the point of this article/ self-help essay? Oh yes, do the things that you love.
Hiking? Biking? Swimming? Writing? Singing? There’s gotta be something that you enjoy doing. Think of it this way, what can you spend your whole day doing and not be bored? And no, sleeping is not an acceptable answer. Let me re-frame it. What would you spend your whole day doing without being bored and sleepy? And when you find that answer, do that. Find movies that you can watch on that topic, or books that you can read, or YouTube videos or Podcasts or anything that you are comfortable with. And it’s a vortex, it’ll suck you in with suggestions of things that are similar and then before you know it, Woah, you’ve spent a whole day learning more about sinkable submarines.
Step 4: Forgive yourself. And others.
We forgive others way faster than we forgive ourselves. I think forgiveness is an art, we weren’t born with it, we have to learn it and the more we do it, the better we get at it. Take the lessons and forget the rest. Make peace with the past. How? Call/ text that person that you were waiting on closure from. No reply? Even better. MOVE ON. Relive the memories, once again. For the last time. Smile, and consciously divert your attention to different things. Forgive your sibling for being annoying, forgive your parents for being overly protective (All of them have your best interests at heart TBH) forgive your friends for not calling you to that party (they honestly thought you wouldn’t enjoy it) forgive your childhood bestie for forgetting your birthday (Priorities change and it’s completely fine) above all, stop punishing yourself over mistakes that you didn’t even make. Forgive yourself for overthinking everything.
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Step 5: Just live your life. Exactly the way you want it.
Trust me, no one’s looking and no one cares. And even if they do, they will forget about it sooner than you’d think. They have their own shit to deal with. Want to wear that pink jumper? Go ahead. Read that kinky book? I am right behind you. Try something unusual like visit a shaman? You’re on your own dude! Eat that stinky hot dog? Not a good idea with that pink jumper on. Anyway, you get the point. Live your life, you only get one shot at it, make it count.
Once you become proficient in the aforementioned steps, HMU for a certificate. And then you can reclaim the dating world with a new, improved version of yourself. Since, now you know who you exactly are and what you exactly want, there won’t be many options available to you. But whatever you will find, will be the ones that actually belong with you.